People, One of Many.

Recently got told by co-worker that I couldn't understand the relationship of a fully functional married couple. I've been with my partner for 9 years. Which is about 3 years longer than his marriage, and because I can't get married its dismissed. I've been through hell and back with my partner, he has no clue the connection we have. His pompous church driven arrogance got me so angry this morning. I wanted to turn to him and let him know...Funny thing is this man considers me a friend, has met my partner, but has no respect for me in the least, not even enough to hold his tongue. I flipped the convo wit humor and changed the tone. I won't forget this though.

Drunk...

So I O'D last saturday night. I probably gave relationship advice I shouldn't have and brought up topics I have no reason bringing up. I can't imagine what I said. I know my current relationship is so blah itself, and honestly anything I could speak about of relationships is pointless. Not to say that I'm dating a monster, cause I'm probably just as bad. I've used everyone that's has crossed it my path. If this does cause my end then I probably deserve it. Sorry for being cryptic, not ready to give all trade secrets yet. Im lonely in dealing with this, and showed way to much emotion. Have to do better.

OK...

I've decided to write my ideas down, as a point of reference for myself. There's the slight possibility that the time line may change or I might wake up in a seemingly similar reality and need to check the changes. Nonsense!, of course the changes would probably be reflected in this blog, so it pointless...but eh, I'm bored.  So a fear that's been bothering me is that I'm asleep somewhere and nothing that around is real. The fear doesn't end there, I'm also a kid where I'm sleeping. Ill wake up and everything I've done and everything I've experienced will be worth nothing and Ill be treated as a child again. I cant go back to that. Years of doing it over. I get a lil panicky and then except this is real. Not to say Ive done it all to my best. I guess this is proof that I don't regret right?. Every so often I'll think of someone and they happen to find a way back into my life. Or just predict the outcome of simple everyday events, from parking to a movie playing on TV. Yeah I know its stupid, but lucid dreaming is not. This isn't a sci-fi reference or an attempt to sound cool. It just a fear of losing. There that's it, problem solved. So we know the disease. right?, Next...If anybody does read this feel free to slam it to shit, doesn't change much. Stay Tuned.