DANCE THESE!

I don't understand how some people can juggle so many other people in there lives. It's exhausting. People have so many general quirks its no wonder that we don't fight more often. Which is what makes my friendships far and few. No, I don't fight with everybody. The problem is, I'm easily turned off to people by conflicting personas; good as the person may be. Honestly it's a wonder I have friends at all. Even greater miracle that I get along wit my partner so well, dispite the lack of sex. Ugh I dunno. It's late and I have two people on my mind in particular. This all comes full circle to the phone situation, though not related to that person. If you know their avoiding you...These damn phones. I have played the "human" game well, I'm not stalking them or accusing them. For all I know they could need a break from me too; Which I can understand, I don't even like me most of the time. I think what bothers me the most is not the possibility of losing these people; its that I had a problem with them first and feel I did nothing to garner this. It's like a break up and you were beat to the punch, but you had never decided to "punch". In the end I get over quickly, and yes I'm aware this post was a lil ego driven. In anycase, whatever. It takes too.

I don't care and that's the problem. Part 1

I do get mad, well not mad. Let's just say I get very angry. I've gotten used to bottling things over the years. Only problem is I remember exploding at some point at the person or persons who bothered me. I've chucked it up to being older and having better patience with life in general. I wanted to explode at my boss today, I mean the chance of him firing me is slim, if anything he might respect me more. So five minutes later. I don't care, I rationalize that just being home and away is all I need. Someone once told me that "The only people who should effect you are the ones you care about, the ones who are important"; I think I've taken this to the extreme. So much doesn't bother me anymore, of course you read this and think I'm still bothered...That's why he writes about it...I'm bothered that I'm not bothered. So much in life is not important. I know that it will work it's way out in some shape or form. So back to patience? hmmm. Even now I'm calmer than when I started blogging. Did I mention this is starting to apply to the people I care about? For sometime now.

Seriously? The Phone.

Connectivity is ridiculous, I got into an argument with a friend/co-worker today. Whatever the reason was, he called me from the opposite section of the building to give some news or what not. I did not pick up cause I was working and already 40 minutes over to leave. I always figured that in an emergency, people would dial twice, get the persons attention. In any case my friend proceeded to come over to me to tell me how I never pick up the phone and stormed off. I eventually called him the moment I was done. I think people know the difference when their being avoided. Yes I'm not the best with my phone, alot of times the ringer is off. Yet people don't leave voicemails? They would rather go as far as to text you, because in their mind they know you have seen their message and you must respond asap. When did we become these people, and why is it so hard to except that we don't have to be? What's 5 mins? would the message have changed? In anycase he ignored my calls, called twice. I'll wait...This has to be reality I can't imagine my brain would create such situations. "If I am Dreaming, why aren't there more girls?" - Major West,  Lost In Space

People, One of Many.

Recently got told by co-worker that I couldn't understand the relationship of a fully functional married couple. I've been with my partner for 9 years. Which is about 3 years longer than his marriage, and because I can't get married its dismissed. I've been through hell and back with my partner, he has no clue the connection we have. His pompous church driven arrogance got me so angry this morning. I wanted to turn to him and let him know...Funny thing is this man considers me a friend, has met my partner, but has no respect for me in the least, not even enough to hold his tongue. I flipped the convo wit humor and changed the tone. I won't forget this though.

Drunk...

So I O'D last saturday night. I probably gave relationship advice I shouldn't have and brought up topics I have no reason bringing up. I can't imagine what I said. I know my current relationship is so blah itself, and honestly anything I could speak about of relationships is pointless. Not to say that I'm dating a monster, cause I'm probably just as bad. I've used everyone that's has crossed it my path. If this does cause my end then I probably deserve it. Sorry for being cryptic, not ready to give all trade secrets yet. Im lonely in dealing with this, and showed way to much emotion. Have to do better.

OK...

I've decided to write my ideas down, as a point of reference for myself. There's the slight possibility that the time line may change or I might wake up in a seemingly similar reality and need to check the changes. Nonsense!, of course the changes would probably be reflected in this blog, so it pointless...but eh, I'm bored.  So a fear that's been bothering me is that I'm asleep somewhere and nothing that around is real. The fear doesn't end there, I'm also a kid where I'm sleeping. Ill wake up and everything I've done and everything I've experienced will be worth nothing and Ill be treated as a child again. I cant go back to that. Years of doing it over. I get a lil panicky and then except this is real. Not to say Ive done it all to my best. I guess this is proof that I don't regret right?. Every so often I'll think of someone and they happen to find a way back into my life. Or just predict the outcome of simple everyday events, from parking to a movie playing on TV. Yeah I know its stupid, but lucid dreaming is not. This isn't a sci-fi reference or an attempt to sound cool. It just a fear of losing. There that's it, problem solved. So we know the disease. right?, Next...If anybody does read this feel free to slam it to shit, doesn't change much. Stay Tuned.